Many things divide us. Religion, politics, economics, race, even music can drive a wedge between people. However, when it comes to success we all seem to be violently in agreement. If you live in an OECD country you’ll probably agree that most of the names on this list belong to successful people; Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Jack Ma, Oprah Winfrey, JK Rowling, Richard Branson, Larry Page, Madonna, Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps, Serena Williams… you get the idea.
Why do we agree that these people are successful? If we consider what these people have in common; recognition, fame, influence, and wealth, it becomes clear that our definition of success comes down to being the best, being ultra wealthy and being recognised on the street. In essence, if you fly first class or on a private jet and people want to take selfies with you, you’re successful.
Enter the mandatory dictionary entry to make a point. The Cambridge Dictionary defines success as the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for.
The evolution of success
Between 1900 and the 1980’s, inequality in developed English speaking countries was on the decline. However, over the past 3 decades income inequality has risen mainly due to very large increases in compensation for top executives. Add to the mix a proliferation of media channels, the fetishising the ultra wealthy lifestyle and the guru-fication of start-up executives. And you are left with a clear delineation of winners and losers.
The world around us has become a reminder that some have and others don’t. And we have become fixated on acquiring wealth and fame so that we don’t end up being mediocre and unhappy. For we now believe that a mediocre life is a squandered life. A life not worth living. We have to be extraordinary, and the only symbol of being extraordinary is wealth and fame. In a world of 7 billion people we struggle to stand out, to get to the very top, to be famous, to become billionaires.
To be successful has become a singular thing. Success is rich and famous. Nothing else. However, the truth is, we can’t all be rich, we can’t all be famous. By their very definition, being rich means someone else needs to be poor. For someone to be famous, many other needs to be unknown. We aren’t all going to have extraordinary lives. In fact, most of us will never become millionaires, no matter how hard we hustle, code, post, save, invest, ideate, start-up, exit and pivot. Most of us won’t start businesses. Most of us will lead ordinary lives, with it’s struggles and its stresses. And for some reason this isn’t good enough anymore.
Successful life – a different perspective
Many people I know lead lives that give them very little joy. They spend their days in meetings they believe are pointless, they complain about the volume of email they have to get through in a day. Many ended up where they are believing that it would lead them to success. And the older they get the more they wake up to the fact that their lives don’t reflect who they are because they’ve been chasing a false version of success.
We consider Elon Musk to be successful. He makes a lot of money, is CEO of some of the most astonishing and disruptive companies in the world and is a Rockstar in the business and start-up worlds. But what if all he longs for is a quiet, simple life. What if he has a compulsion to start business after business and yet it stresses him out and makes him deeply unhappy. Is he still successful?
Success should be a very personal thing. We shouldn’t all agree on who is successful, for two reasons. The first being that we define success for ourselves and that we don’t accept or adopt other people’s ideas of success. The second being, we don’t know what other people aspire to. Go back to the dictionary – success is achieving the results wanted or hoped for. Success isn’t about money and fame, at least not for all of us.
It is worth noting that how we define success in life will dictate how we approach life. If we adopt other people’s interpretations of success it’s likely our day-to-day lives will feel inauthentic and foreign to us, like shoes that someone else has worn and broken in. And over time our lives will chafe against the reality of who we are.
How to reframe success
I have only recently started thinking about this. I am starting to think of a successful life in 4 dimensions.
- It needs to challenge me. There has to be growth. However, the growth has to be manageable. As long as I’m not expected to constantly face challenges that fall far outside my capabilities, my life should deliver excitement and rarely dip into stress or anxiety.
- I have to enjoy most of the tasks in my life. If I’m spending hours each day doing things that drain me or sap my spirit, no matter how wealthy or famous I am, I wouldn’t consider myself successful.
- My days leave me energised. Energy is an invaluable gauge to understand how close or far away you are from where you need to be in your life. For me, constant stress and tiredness is a sure indication that I’m not leading a successful life.
- I have to believe my work matters to the world. In other words, I don’t feel like I’m doing a bullshit job.
Success should be about spending the majority of our time focused on the things that matter to us, while having the flexibility to minimise the activities that drain our energy. This is not to say that we’ll never do anything we desperately dislike doing, but to be successful the balance needs to tip towards the elements that allow us to grow; that we are excited to face each day. And if we can spend the majority of our days doing work that challenges us, that matters and that overall leaves us energised, we’ll be better off than most of the world.
People I consider successful
The list of successful people at the top of this page don’t include people like my grandfather. He spent much of his life on his farm. A place that brought him joy and challenged him with backbreaking work that he embraced each day. The list also doesn’t include the executive creative director I worked with years ago, who loved creating beautiful advertising so much that he sometimes put his own money into producing and shooting ads that he truly loved and believed in.
And then there’s my friend Sophie who has had more creative careers than I have written blog posts. Her success lies in following her curiosity and always being stimulated. Similarly, my friend Conrad gave up his law career to become a formidable actor. Their names won’t appear next to Jeff’s, or Steve’s, or Oprah’s, but they are all wildly successful and I’m proud to have known them.
And one day, I hope my children think of me as successful, and that I’m able to inspire them to have the courage to lead their own, unique version of a successful life.