“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
This is the Serenity Prayer and was written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr.
I’ve heard these words and words to this effect hundreds of times in my life. I always thought that knowing what you can and can’t control was the first step to acceptance. If you accept that which you can’t control, your life will be easier. And let’s be honest, there is a lot we can’t control which means there’s quite a bit to accept. And beyond that, I never thought much about knowing or concentrating on what I can and can’t change or control.
However, over the past few weeks I have come to see the concept of know what we do control and change in a different light. Instead of accepting that the weather, other people, pandemics and governments are going to do things that upset me and trying to be all ‘Zen’ about it, I have started focusing on what I can control. And I have learnt that there is a lot of power in understanding and leveraging what is under one’s control.
Imminently homeless with very limited control
My wife and I recently sold our home. The decision to sell was based on a need for change along with my daughter’s obsession with getting a dog. And when we made the decision to sell, we thought finding our next home would be a doddle. It wasn’t.
Thanks to a combination of factors, including:
- the housing market in Sydney has turned stark raving mad
- it’s Easter and nobody is keen to rent out or put their house on the market before the 12th April.
- we’re going into winter in the Southern hemisphere, and people don’t really want to move out of their homes when it’s cold.
We’re now facing the unexpected fact that we don’t have an alternative house to buy or rent readily available to us.
With our settlement date looming, our decision to embrace change morphed into a reality where we are faced with more uncertainty and uncontrollable variables than we anticipated. And things are tough. In fact, I have secretly been harbouring visions of us having to move in with our in-laws while we sort out the consequences of our rash decision-making. Yep – that tough.
So, my wife and I sat down and worked on a plan.
We agreed on what we can afford, along with what we want and where we’re willing to compromise. We focused on everything we can control and how we are willing to adapt to the landscape as it changes. Instead of lying to ourselves and falling for the illusion that we can control the property market with wishful thinking, we are focusing solely on the factors we influence. And we literally ignore everything else. And with this has come clarity and confidence.
Where a few weeks ago we had a scarcity mentality we now see options and promising alternatives every time we research what has come onto the market. That change we were looking for when we first sold our house has come… in the form of uncertainty. And that’s okay. By understanding what we do control we have crystalised what is important to us and where we aren’t willing to compromise. We know what we want and when we get close enough to it we’ll make our move.
We have also consciously decided not to get caught up in the irrationality and the FOMO that currently drive the market. Furthermore, we’re ignoring anything that we can’t influence or which doesn’t add insight or value to the outcomes we’re looking for.
And it works.
We are focused and have plans in place to mitigate any impact uncontrollable changes in the housing market will have on what we deem an acceptable outcome. And we’re calmer, more focused. That is not to say that the next few weeks won’t be tough and a little stressful. But we know where to focus our energies and that makes all the difference.
A further benefit we’ve discovered by focusing on that which we do control is that we have genuinely learnt more about ourselves and one another through the process. And that can only ever be a good thing.
Have I mentioned how crazy the Sydney house market is right now? Ku-ray-zee.