The golden rule states that we should treat others as we ourselves want to be treated. On the surface this seems to be a perfectly reasonable way to be in the world. In fact, it might the only way eight billion people could live together on this planet.
But there are problems with the golden rule. It assumes that we all want the same things. The inference of the rule is that you can know another person by looking at yourself and then superimposing your feelings onto others. In psychology this is called ‘projection‘ and it’s not a good thing
An overwhelming number of arguments I’ve had with my wife stem from my expectations not aligning with the person she actually is. The golden rule does away with understanding the other and relies on assumption instead.
A better way to be in the world is to reach out and connect. To seek to understand other people, and to ask them what they need, instead of assuming they’re like you. Similarly, the responsibility falls on us to share who we are with others and have the courage to share what we need and want. Essentially we have to be more vulnerable.
Which comes back to the age old philosophical adage, know thyself.